Multiverse Portal Closed Indefinitely

Geneva, Switzerland, Earth #4547

11 November 2025

The multiverse scientific community suffered a devastating blow today. Project Blue Bridge, the only known inter-dimensional bridge to the multiverse, erupted in a mix of despair and mockery as every other known Earth realised our Earth, Earth #4547, had elected Donald J. Trump President of the United States not just once, but twice.

The revelation, successfully hidden from the rest of the multiverse until now, leaked during an attempt by MAGA supporters to infiltrate the CERN Large Hadron Collider near Geneva, Switzerland.

MAGA supporters, fearing something 'woke' had happened at the secretive 'Blue' installation, swarmed the facility and gained entry to the portal chamber. Their hairy knuckles, missing teeth, guttural grunts, and red MAGA hats were caught on security cameras and beamed to the rest of the multiverse.

Cries of despair and mocking taunts erupted from the bridge for several minutes before the portal slammed closed from the other side. The multiverse scientists, all of whom are on the autism spectrum, shrugged and started spamming out their CVs in search of new opportunities.

The MAGA supporters, when asked for comment, remained silent and glassy-eyed. One, however, did drool from the side of their mouth.

Satire, parody, and irony... all with a little sprinkle of sarcasm

First things first, do not take this article seriously! This is 'news', not NEWS. I spend half my time doing air quotes with my fingers as I write this shit.

Of course, my dream is to have one of my articles posted out by the dumb orange cunt currently sitting in the US Oval Office as though the article were in fact 'truth'. Keep your fingers crossed!

(We know we shouldn't be mean to the elderly, but he started it!)

On a serious note...

I chose the name 'The Festinger Gazette' for my satirical articles in honour of Leon Festinger, the psychologist behind the theory of Cognitive Dissonance. Festinger presented the theory in his work, A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance, in 1957.

Festinger was a true visionary whose work is more relevant today than ever before.